Steamy August Sunset over my Hometown, Saint Louis
Who woke up that sticky summer morning I was nine? I was still as a church mouse in bed, listening to the old shingle house exhaling the growing heat. Surrounded as it was by leafy trees nearing 100-years-old, the house was usually shaded by the Sweet Gum, the Catalpas, and the towering Maples. I could sense their exhalations as well.
Yet, that July morning there was a new resonating silence in the empty house. I was alone, again. My mother and father were at work, my teenage brother…God knew where. My silver German Shepherd lifted her head from the foot of the bed, the query plain. “Are we up, now? Now?”
She was my nursery Nana, like the English Sheep Dog in Peter Pan, Silver was my patient companion. She had thwarted two break-ins that I knew of and I was certain there would be other attempts.
The question persists for me today: Who woke up that humid morning with a new resolve? Was it a new “I”? Had essence required another buffer, another “I” willing to soldier on through another long day on my own?
I was old at nine, perhaps older than I am today. I had a sense of the quietude, the acceptance of this is how it was, I was on my own again save for Silver by my side. And perhaps, a guardian angel.
Was I a willful child? Yes, but it was required for my protection, my survival. What instinct told me at five to run from the man naked save for the puppy on his lap cruising my neighborhood in his convertible?
It’s been said many times we repair the past in the awared present, otherwise it is all do-re-mi, do-re-mi, a pointless repetition.
So the question remains for me, who or what “I” awoke on that steamy July morning? The borning of self-will or a taste of real will?
William Patrick Patterson will lead a Labor Day Seminar on an exploration of that very theme: Exploring Self-Will and Real Will. The seminar will be held at a retreat center about an hour south of San Jose, CA. For more information, click here.